January 12, 2007

Since I got my pregnancy updates up here, I figure Zoe's 'birth story' is fair game, too. I'll take my spin at it and invite Dave to chime in with his comments or his own version.

Here goes.

On January 11th, I made a presentation to about 50 people at the OSPI annual statewide conference at the WA State Convention Center, in downtown Seattle. Months before, I made my boss promise to present with me, being somewhat convinced that I wasn't likely to make it to my due date (1/20/07) and feeling that 1/11/07 was certainly in the realm of possibility for the birth. And man, was I glad to have her with me...I was a tired and uncomfortable gal and given that the weather had been pretty terrible (snow, ice, etc) in recent days, was glad to get in, do my thing and take off to be done with all of it.

Early the next morning - at about 2:30am, I woke to some serious pain along the perimeter of my belly and ribcage. I'd been having similar discomfort for weeks (at least since Christmas and from memory, weeks before that) but chalked it up to late pregnancy heart burn and fatigue. However, this morning I was nearly fit to be tied with discomfort. I had to lay on my back propped up high with pillows just to stand lying still. I really didn't sleep at all and finally took a shower at about 5am to kill some time before bugging Dave and my midwives. At about 6am I woke Dave to let him know that I was in pain, but really didn't think it was labor. He decided to stay home with me to see how things developed.

By 7am, I couldn't wait any longer and opted to call my midwives for some assistance in just feeling better and making it through the day. I still didn't think I was in labor. Heather suggested that I take Milk of Magnesia, have some tea and to call her in a couple of hours if I didn't feel better. Dave ran out for the MoM and by the time he got back from the store, driving on the ice-slick roads (we had another, though relatively small ice storm the night before), I was in the bathroom having dry heaves - my labor's apparent greeting card.

Having had a 'practice' contraction around Christmas time, I thought I knew what I was in for, but the contractions I was having this morning felt nothing like that, nor anything like I'd ever felt before. I was in weird and confusing pain! At that point, I started having a persistent 'side stitch' and neck ache - as though I'd run too far, too quickly. I bided my time for 9am when I could call the midwives back to inform them that I did not feel any better.

When I called the second time, Fra Na had just come on duty and had spoken with Heather re: my complaints. To me, she sounded hesitant about it being labor, but did suggest that I go in to the hospital so that they could check on the situation. This was not according to my plan to wait out early labor in the comfort of my own home in the loving presence of Dave and the kitties and our Doula, Jennifer. But, the pain was enough that I didn't argue.

I left the house thinking that I'd be sent back, but with all the birthing gear, etc in case we wouldn't. I just thought they'd tell me I was having heartburn mixed with early labor and to go home and try to rest it out. As far as I could tell, I hadn't even seen 'lightening' - the baby's head lowering into the top of the birth canal, the evacuation of the mucus plug or my water breaking - so it just didn't look and feel like labor. But something was going on for sure.

So, Dave cautiously drove me along the icy - and bumpy! - roads to the hospital. That was some of the longest 5 miles I've ever ridden in my life. There was NO comfort to be had since I had to brace against the pain every bump of the way. But, nerves and excitement helped to get me through it.

At the hospital, they put us in a room and hooked me up to a monitor immediately. I was somewhat embarrassed for being there so early into labor and mostly pretty annoyed at being tied to the bed. I was still hoping for a lovely, movement and breathing filled, Doula-assisted birth. This was not that.

The monitor showed my small little contractions, which seemed to be happening at a pretty regular pace although I honestly couldn't tell one from another too well since the general pain I had was so persistent. But figuring we'd be there a while, I had Dave call our student Doula, Jennifer. While waiting for her to arrive, I was subjected to lots of blood work and another ultrasound. There was concern over my gall bladder and other organ-related complications that are rare, but not unheard of in later pregnancy. I really wasn't convinced that they were going to find anything and was still mentally prepared to be sent home, despite the persistent pain in my side and neck.

Contractions were about two minutes apart and Jennifer was helping me get through some breathing techniques to quell the pain when Fra Na came in to deliver the news. I was going to have a C-section pronto because I was really sick; my liver enzymes, which at a normal high rest somewhere around 50, were up to 250 (whatevers). My initial reaction was to feel crushed. I was so convinced that I wouldn't have a C-section. So determined. But when she suggested that I and the baby were in danger and that there really wasn't any time or room for discussion, I swallowed it. The only cure to the situation was to get the baby out. They were 'going in' within an hour, so I sent Dave to call the family.

In the meantime, I finally let myself give in to the pain and disappointment I was feeling and started to cry. Thankfully Jennifer was there as a support. Not quite the kind of support I'd anticipated getting from her, but necessary support, nonetheless.

The rest is mostly a blur. I barely remember getting wheeled out, but do remember trying to just calm down and relax. But the tears wouldn't stop. At one point, the OB who was to deliver me came upon me in the hall outside the OR and suggested that I pull it together since what they were doing was necessary for me and our baby. I nearly choked. I won't litter this walk down memory lane with the expletives I now use to describe that woman, but I'm pretty certain that she won't be delivering Zoe's future sibling.

In the OR, after getting my epidural (alone! they don't let the dads in for that??? thankfully, Fra Na let me hold her hand through it, but still!) Dave came in and joined me at the head of the table. I was splayed out in a cross with my hips tilted to my left and even under sedation, was still in tremendous pain - especially in my neck. They warned me that C-section delivery can sometimes create 'referral pain' that presents itself in the neck, so I wasn't about to get any relief. The funny thing was that when I'd call out with pain, I'd have to qualify it for poor Dave: "Shoulder! Not feeling pain anywhere but the shoulder!"

Dave was a champ through it all. Honestly, what he did and said specifically that day aren't really imprinted on my memory too well. I guess the pain - the oddity of the kind I was having - created a veil over my memory. It was a beautifully sunny day, though and I just remember his orbiting around me making sure that despite the weird pain, I was all right. As always, he was a constant source of calm and I know that his being there through it helped me keep my head. I was trying so hard to not make the ambiguity of the situation get the better of me. It was strangely easy (for lack of a better word) because I had my rock with me the whole time.

So, after a bit of poking and pulling, I felt a sudden release and called out to ask if it was the baby. It was. Dave had asked to announce the sex to me and when he peaked over the curtain, he said "It's a Zoe!". It's a Zoe! I almost didn't know what that meant beyond the fact that it was in fact, our baby. Our baby was here. She arrived in such a weird and unexpected fashion, but was beautiful and healthy and seemingly unaffected from the affliction that kick-started her entry into the world. My sweet and resilient Zoe.

I'd had visions of her coming out naked and landing on my bare chest so I do remember feeling frustrated that she was all wrapped up in a receiving blanket. But the touches and smells I did get from our first meeting still make my heart ache. It was lovely.

Dave then took over her watch - funny how that happens - you've got this baby inside you for 9+ months and poor dad can only wonder what's going on and all of a sudden, the baby's in his arms and you aren't attached to her anymore the way you used to be. But now he's attached to her in the biggest way and it's truly an amazing thing to witness.

The stitch-up took forever and I was dying to just get out of the OR and into a cocoon with Dave and Zoe. I have no clue when or how I made it back to the room, but I think I had Zoe in the bed with me and Dave at my side as they wheeled us along.

Back in the room, there began the busy tending-to a post C-section commands. The nurses, in general, were great, though and we quickly began to feel at home. I was high on pain killers and magnesium (to ward off any HELLP-related seizures); and I was HOT. Poor Dave though, was freezing. Apparently the room wasn't too warm. I guess, too, that we'll be bringing him a sleeping bag for the hospital next time maybe since their little blankets aren't quite cozy. Again, I was either oblivious, or he was really a sport - most likely both.

So, we are a family now. Dave says he doesn't really have anything to add - that I did most of the work and that this is how it was. So there. This, Zoe, is how you came into the world. Welcome. We're so glad you're here.